Ever have one of those mornings where everything is going great and then you ask your spouse a question or make a statement and they don't react the way you think they should and even bark at you? Then you feel like you've done something wrong and start to feel bad about yourself? Well that used to happen to me a lot but since I've started this journey of losing weight and consciously trying to be a better person and deal with my problems instead of stuffing them with food, it seems to be happening less and less. However this morning it happened again. The kitchen light bulbs keep going out one by one; now we have two of 10 working and it is very hard to see in the kitchen. I have asked a few times over the past 4-6 months if they could be replaced. About a month ago he told me the 12 foot ladder (our ceilings in the kitchen go to 22 feet at the peak) he needed was at work. So this morning I asked if he could please bring the ladder home tonight to replace the bulbs because I was having trouble seeing. He said in a not so kind tone that the ladder wouldn't fit in his vehicle. I explained that I was having trouble seeing and then it just went downhill from there. I don't even know what really happened because it really wasn't a big deal and then it was. There wasn't any yelling or screaming just an attitude that I still don't know where it came from. He left for work I finished getting ready and left. On my way to work I was thinking back over the conversation and what had happened. I decided to text my spouse an apology "I'm sorry for anything I did or said to upset you. It was not my intention...I really am trying to stay positive and build a great relationship with you!! I love you." I haven't heard back from him since I sent it 2.5 hours ago but that isn't the point. What I am learning is that I don't have to be drawn into the drama which would have sent me to the refrigerator or the pantry in the past. I did what I needed to do I apologized for anything I might have done to contribute to the problem because I truly wasn't trying to cause trouble. I actually thought I was doing something good by reminding him because he usually says well you need to remind me because I just forget. But regardless my victory and joy is in the knowledge that I feel great, I didn't cave to my emotions, I feel blessed and excited because this is a small step that lets me know that I have grown substantially in the past few months. I can only control myself, I cannot do anything to control another person. When I focus on that fact I find that I feel much better about myself. I pray the same awaking for you! It is a very freeing feeling that takes a very heavy load off of my shoulders.
God Bless,
Nena
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