How many times do you get frustrated, upset, disappointed, depressed or downright angry when people don't respond the way you want or do things you think they should? I find there are a few relationships I have with my family members where they are less than happy with me because I haven't done what they wanted me to do. Take my husband for instance...he is a man of FEW words! LOL He seldom (that would really be NEVER) lets me know what he would like me to do or request that I do something for him and then gets upset when I don't do what he wanted. Now I'm not talking arguments or yelling (he's pretty quiet) but just not happy with me (oh yes I know!!). When I ask him how I was suppose to know he wanted me to do something he says "You've known me over 28 years". In other words I am suppose to read his mind (See I am adept at reading between the lines! LOL) I have repeatedly reminded him that I am NOT a mind reader and after 28 years of marriage he should now that by now and recognize my deficiency in that area and help me out by making it known!! Surprisingly he doesn't!! So it got me to thinking. Why is it that we do not ask for the things that are important to us? Why don't we just let people know the expectations we have of each other, our relationships, etc.? What is this fear we have of letting others know what we really desire? Are we afraid they won't love us? Will think we're silly? incompetent? weak? unorganized? Imagine how different your life would be if you let those around you know what you wanted, where you might need help, how you wanted something done, etc. It doesn't mean that everything would get done your way but at least we would be able to talk through the situation and come to an agreement, a compromise, or at the very least we would know what each others desires were.
Sometimes I think we are all so concerned with not rocking the boat that we parallelize ourselves by trying to keep the boat steady. I will only speak for myself here but I personally prefer someone to tell me exactly what they want or need. Let me know the expectations so that I don't have to guess. I find it very stressful trying to guess what the other person wants or doesn't want. It keeps me in constant unbalance and takes up a lot of my time trying to figure it out. It would be much easier if the person I am dealing with just said "I would like you to ______________." Then I would know the expectation and I could decide to honor it or not and then work out a compromise or not. I feel it would stop a lot of unnecessary guess work and everyone involved would feel much better about the relationship.
If you can see this in your life please think about being clear in your expectations of others. Think about what you really desire and what you would like from the relationship whether it be a spouse, child, friend, coworker, etc. and let them know. Don't make them guess or try to figure it out. You deserve to have your desires known and they deserve to know what you would like them to do. If we all could do this our relationship would become much less stressful and much more rewarding.
God Bless,
Nena
