Ever think about what a difference a year can make? Where were you last year at this time? Were you happy? Were you miserable? Maybe dreading the holiday... Wishing things would change? How are you feeling this year? Have things gotten better? I find that during the holidays many people struggle for a few reasons:
1) Stress- Many of us try to do too much or have too many expectations about what we should be doing or buying. This tends to make us crazy and blow our budgets. How many of you can ask your children, spouse, friends, or relatives what you gave them for Christmas last year and they would be able to tell you? Last year my husband and I decided we were not going to give each other any presents because money was tight and let's face it we didn't need anything. My husband had been wanting a new laptop because his wasn't working correctly and he had been looking for a great deal but we had decided to wait until after the holidays to make the purchase. My daughter called while out black Friday shopping and said mom I found the exact computer dad wants and it's less than half the price; if you'll go in half with me we can get it for him for Christmas. I told her that would be fine and she bought it, wrapped it and put it under the tree. Christmas morning he unwrapped it and said I thought we weren't going to get each other presents this year. I told him it was fine I didn't need anything and this was too good of a deal to pass up. I never thought a thing about it. Just a couple of weeks ago I told him please let's not exchange presents this year because we don't need anything and were trying to get rid of "stuff" because our last child recently moved out. He said are we really not going to exchange presents? I didn't even know what he was referring to. I said of course and then he reminded me of last year. He had felt bad this entire time and I didn't even remember it! I told him I hope you haven't been worrying or feeling bad about this all year because I didn't even remember that you didn't get me a present. I was just happy to give you something you needed and save money. Truly I didn't even think of it as a present because it was something that he needed and was going to have to buy anyway. Most of the time what has us stressed isn't even something that bothers anyone else.
2) expectations- Many of us either have expectations about what Christmas should look like or what we THINK others expect it to look like. I have had a big ah ha moment this year! My husband and I have shared some very stressful holidays because we have different expectations. Why I didn't realize this years ago I cannot tell you except that I was running around trying to meet everyone's expectations of me and didn't have time to stop and think about anything!! For some reason my husband likes to be VERY involved in every aspect of the holiday (except clean up; he does it but would be okay if I didn't need him to! LOL) I finally after 26 + years of marriage asked my husband what he would like to do for specific holidays and what a great holiday would include. I ask him prior to purchasing food and inviting everyone. We discussed what made it stressful for me and what made him frustrated. Then we planned what would make it successful for both of us and made a plan for what each of us would be in charge of and how we would work together to make it good for both of us. What we found was that we had the best Thanksgiving we had ever shared. Neither of us was stressed and we didn't want to kill each other at the end of the day. That is success for us!! If you can communicate with others that you will be spending the holiday with and ask what each person would like to have happen then you can plan so that all expectations are met and no one is unhappy or disappointed.
3) maturity- This is a big issue and I am guilty myself. A sign of real maturity is when you can think of the other person and not your own selfish attitude. Every family has the person that the entire holiday (and most days of the year) has to revolve around. Many times those closest to you like to display your "dirt" and family knows each others hot buttons to really get the ball rolling down hill. I challenge you this year to ignore the negativity and walk away or redirect the topic to something positive. Maybe play a game...lets see who can genuinely find the good in situations today or go around the table and say something nice about someone (the same person can't be picked twice) or draw names from a hat or bowl and that's the person you have to say something nice about so everyone hears one positive! Many times our habit in families is to find fault but when we start looking for the good our entire attitude changes and the climate in the room changes too! Try to be the bigger person this year and see how good it makes you feel.
Where were you last year at this time emotionally? How are your choices effecting your holiday? What can you do to make a difference this year? One thing I am learning with age is that I can't change anyone else or control someone else. The ONLY person I have control over is me! I can buy in to the drama and negativity or I can ignore it, walk away, or try to turn it into a positive. The choice is mine.
I pray your holiday is everything you want it to be.
God Bless,
Nena
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